walk away
my only saving grace, gota leave myself that shred of dignity. it's been a week. it still feels like shit but i have to learn to apply the concept of WALK AWAY. not to break down and send you smses about my feelings, my lost-ness. it's the last thing you want to hear... who wants to feel guilty right?
hold my head as high as i can and walk away.
i've tried to return to normalcy this weekend. sat out with my bum-ball pals. thank god for them. i may not have been the best of company and not very "present" but it took away the agony of having to be alone and the thinking.. which evenually leads to the need/ urge to talk to you all over again.
one thing i can't get over... IS THERE REALLY SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME? an innocent question but its always there now... something must be...right? to make a fren turned partner walk away just like that? it's me... isn't it? that's why they keep walking away.
i'm scared you know... alone when i'm 40...50...60... i want to share my life with someone, someone who takes care of me, cares and shares my life back. i want to come home and talk about nothing-ness with someone, have a dinner and slum in front of the tv with. someone who will look at me like how i looked at you... adoration, admiration and an intense urge to hold on and not let go off, lest someone out there bites you...no no. you have no idea but it took me a lot to do that. i scared of being alone but i am now more scared of the pain i will have to go through again.
i am only left with this...this blog, to write about the pain and frustrations. i think in a year or two i will look back and laugh at this and i might even feel embarrassed but for now... it's hard to take the next step to continue my life the way it was. why did you have to come in and tell me all those blind promises that you did not mean?
i have only one road ahead of me now, no closure, no absolution, no answer... walk away and just leave you behind like another undesirable character, i wished i did not meet.
hold my head as high as i can and walk away.
i've tried to return to normalcy this weekend. sat out with my bum-ball pals. thank god for them. i may not have been the best of company and not very "present" but it took away the agony of having to be alone and the thinking.. which evenually leads to the need/ urge to talk to you all over again.
one thing i can't get over... IS THERE REALLY SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME? an innocent question but its always there now... something must be...right? to make a fren turned partner walk away just like that? it's me... isn't it? that's why they keep walking away.
i'm scared you know... alone when i'm 40...50...60... i want to share my life with someone, someone who takes care of me, cares and shares my life back. i want to come home and talk about nothing-ness with someone, have a dinner and slum in front of the tv with. someone who will look at me like how i looked at you... adoration, admiration and an intense urge to hold on and not let go off, lest someone out there bites you...no no. you have no idea but it took me a lot to do that. i scared of being alone but i am now more scared of the pain i will have to go through again.
i am only left with this...this blog, to write about the pain and frustrations. i think in a year or two i will look back and laugh at this and i might even feel embarrassed but for now... it's hard to take the next step to continue my life the way it was. why did you have to come in and tell me all those blind promises that you did not mean?
i have only one road ahead of me now, no closure, no absolution, no answer... walk away and just leave you behind like another undesirable character, i wished i did not meet.
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