Moulin Rouge
I am recuperating at home I have watcha-might-call-it "hyperactive gut". Means i got to eat not-too-much, not-too-little, not-too-heavy, not-too-spicy/tasty. No coffee, no cigarettes, no alcohol, until the gut stabilises and works its own system out. But everything is otherwise ok. I can't exert either, so no sports or running around for a while.
Had a horrible time in the hospital, no eating for 24-hrs and when i did get to eat it was lousy plastic-tasting fish bits in plain porridge. *Phui* a whole load of tests, exams and i think qte a number of cells died doing repeated xrays. No TV, no PC, no internet, it was lousy.
The past 3 mths, actually went by in a flash, it was a lot of coping and dealing with the lost. I don't actually view it as much of a loss anymore. The arsehole admitted to a few things, how he has treating me wrong even when we were together, and how even after we broke up...he has "made use" of me unfairly. His "coming-clean" efforts were not clean at all, they are were still half-truths. what can i say, some guys (ah-hemmmmmm in particular the arsehole) are just lousy at lying, even worse at break-ups and never good at figuring what the hell they want. He had the guts to want to continue to be a "friend" and to continue to care for me. As far as i am concerned, he's non-existent. Care for me...?? after all you've done? Spare me!
Why did he have to come and say that since Dec 04, he had already figured out we can't work out but just didn't know how to tell me. What the hell, a waste of a good half a year and more for me! Must he return every few mths, just to tell me more things to hurt me? And more half-truths. What the hell is he trying to do? I don't want him around but he juse don't seem to get it. He has done enough.
I am moving on...I don't need him...I don't want him...and I hate to sound like a vengeful BIAAAAATCH but I hate him and all he's done, since the day he started cheating and continuously lying to me. I loved him too much and have given him one too many chances. His lies were always on-going, all the gers he picked up, all the lies he's been telling them abt his not having a gf etc.
Makes me hopping mad to think of how I was used.
Ok ok...that was the main part of the past 3 mths, dealing with the pain and the anger. The fact that i can now write it down on my blog = i am determined to tell everyone the arsehole's true colours are out (hmmmm...ha ha...funny...that don't sound very right *snigger*) and i have to come to terms with it.
Moulin rouge is on TV5 now...it was one of the arsehole's favourite movies. Brought back a lot of memories, he loved to sign the song ewan mcgreggor sings "how wonder life is, now you're in this world"...but it was never to me. ha ha...bitter old me...sad but no matter what I gota admit really loved that guy. It's silly but I loved the arsehole...I gave a lot and did a lot. Some of these things I regret now. How I gave up one perfectly good guy, without a thought, to be with the arsehole. And another how I neglected some very very very sweet pple.
Of all my supportive friends, there are 2 men in my life who have been real sweet to me through everything, even before arsehole's time. They have not left me through my difficult times, have always been there to catch me and have never complained . thinking of them makes me wana cry, coz somehow I think I have not been fair to them and have let them down, especially when I was with the arsehole. YET they were uncomplaining and understanding. A big regret...and i love them both, 1) "the man of my dreams" (hereafter known as MOMD) and 2) Mr X.
After my dramas, they always hold out their arms and give me a big hug, a pat and do things that leave a smile on my face. Why is it that these guys are the guys who I will NOT get to share my life, in that special way,l with?
They are almost perfect except for that little kink in the equation that means we can't be together. Perhaps they have never even thought of being with me...I wouldn't be entirely surprised. But I love them and I realise now, they were always the unwavering ones who stood by me, and yet asked for nothing in return.
Had a horrible time in the hospital, no eating for 24-hrs and when i did get to eat it was lousy plastic-tasting fish bits in plain porridge. *Phui* a whole load of tests, exams and i think qte a number of cells died doing repeated xrays. No TV, no PC, no internet, it was lousy.
The past 3 mths, actually went by in a flash, it was a lot of coping and dealing with the lost. I don't actually view it as much of a loss anymore. The arsehole admitted to a few things, how he has treating me wrong even when we were together, and how even after we broke up...he has "made use" of me unfairly. His "coming-clean" efforts were not clean at all, they are were still half-truths. what can i say, some guys (ah-hemmmmmm in particular the arsehole) are just lousy at lying, even worse at break-ups and never good at figuring what the hell they want. He had the guts to want to continue to be a "friend" and to continue to care for me. As far as i am concerned, he's non-existent. Care for me...?? after all you've done? Spare me!
Why did he have to come and say that since Dec 04, he had already figured out we can't work out but just didn't know how to tell me. What the hell, a waste of a good half a year and more for me! Must he return every few mths, just to tell me more things to hurt me? And more half-truths. What the hell is he trying to do? I don't want him around but he juse don't seem to get it. He has done enough.
I am moving on...I don't need him...I don't want him...and I hate to sound like a vengeful BIAAAAATCH but I hate him and all he's done, since the day he started cheating and continuously lying to me. I loved him too much and have given him one too many chances. His lies were always on-going, all the gers he picked up, all the lies he's been telling them abt his not having a gf etc.
Makes me hopping mad to think of how I was used.
Ok ok...that was the main part of the past 3 mths, dealing with the pain and the anger. The fact that i can now write it down on my blog = i am determined to tell everyone the arsehole's true colours are out (hmmmm...ha ha...funny...that don't sound very right *snigger*) and i have to come to terms with it.
Moulin rouge is on TV5 now...it was one of the arsehole's favourite movies. Brought back a lot of memories, he loved to sign the song ewan mcgreggor sings "how wonder life is, now you're in this world"...but it was never to me. ha ha...bitter old me...sad but no matter what I gota admit really loved that guy. It's silly but I loved the arsehole...I gave a lot and did a lot. Some of these things I regret now. How I gave up one perfectly good guy, without a thought, to be with the arsehole. And another how I neglected some very very very sweet pple.
Of all my supportive friends, there are 2 men in my life who have been real sweet to me through everything, even before arsehole's time. They have not left me through my difficult times, have always been there to catch me and have never complained . thinking of them makes me wana cry, coz somehow I think I have not been fair to them and have let them down, especially when I was with the arsehole. YET they were uncomplaining and understanding. A big regret...and i love them both, 1) "the man of my dreams" (hereafter known as MOMD) and 2) Mr X.
After my dramas, they always hold out their arms and give me a big hug, a pat and do things that leave a smile on my face. Why is it that these guys are the guys who I will NOT get to share my life, in that special way,l with?
They are almost perfect except for that little kink in the equation that means we can't be together. Perhaps they have never even thought of being with me...I wouldn't be entirely surprised. But I love them and I realise now, they were always the unwavering ones who stood by me, and yet asked for nothing in return.
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