Day 5

I am feeling terrible. Just want to make known certain things to him. I feel sorry for being so un-understanding. Barely surviving.

Tumbling bricks

I hope he will listen to me in due time, at least let me tell him my realisations, if nothing else. Now, I can only pray for peace and guidance, and just wait...

So here's to day three of my survival. Made only possible with the friends I've got, the VB-nauhers the "chanel-ites", who without a question rallied around me, even when they might not know what was going on. Their existence has made it easier for me to deal with coz I know I am not alone.

You're beautiful

My life is brilliant.
My love is pure.
I saw an angel.
Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,
'Cause I've got a plan.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.

Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,
Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.

You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.

...in love....with this song should just keep singing this to myself.

New hobby - matchmaking. Maybe it just makes me feel a bit more in control and "powerful" perhaps, by watching two total strangers from different worlds but who are linked by little ol me, get to know each other till eventually engaging in the game of courtship.

Fingers are crossed, things look good but I am not pushing it. A 100% hit rate would be nice though eh? ;)

Today I located Bridgette! Hahaa...the ger...is in Timor! Check out Bridgette's blog! Turned out she was a colleague’s wife’s ex-schoolmate in Hawaii. We didn't particularly know each other but hang out a few times and her smile and warmth never fails to amaze me. She's cool! Damn it, I should also like go some third world place live a slow life and also learn to help to improve another person's life. So much more worthwhile then everything here, now. I mean I think even waitressing for half a year would be meaningful. What is becoming of my life...?

Anyway here's another GS 1150...Drawde just got it....so bloody new and well-kept! I got to ride it the other day. My first ride on a GS! It was super smooth...acceleration felt effortless and the sound of the engine, fwahhhhhhhh...Don’t know how to describe. His GS is the limited edition blue and white one...damn good...speechless lor....just can say "DAMN GOOD AH!" He will look after it very well for sure and he will definitely keep it forevvvvveeeeeer! Anyway I think the GS is too heavy la, its like almost twice the weight of his TDM and I think TDM is already a hell of a heavy bike and poor Drawde, quit small size...but he is FIT la, so no sweat.

Maybe thiamster will get one soon after his Transalp and getting his Class 2 in Sep?

The lower end of the roller coaster

Since last week my intention to update my blog with my road trip pix but was so lazy to even download my pix into the PC...aiyoooo! Anyways its done now. Time to tell everyone about THE road trip. We left 5 Aug for the ride up to Hatyai, southernmost tip of Thailand. The plan was to stopover at KL after 2 days in Hatyai, so as to break up the return journey into something more manageable....a bike ride up to Hatyai takes about 10hrs, so we need the stopover to make it less stressful. So it was 3 bikes....1 Honda transalp (thiam's), 1 African twin and 1 YELLOW GS 1150! Damn it, i love the yellow GS man!

The bikes all lined-up...this was actually a pic taken on the way back. from R to L: GS, AT, Transalp


THE GS.... I LOVE THE GS.......WOOOOO THE GS.........orgasmic man this machine.... You ain't owned a bike till you owned a GS

But... i must be "politically" correct and say....i love the Transalp too....not biased but it was THE WOW bike...when i was in JC and yes it is still "saaaaaat" to me man.... ;)

The riding bit was of course the worse bit. I was like dozing throughout the night though i was a pillion, never thot it possible to sleep while on a bike but i did and it was scary and a mental pic of a long vehicle running over my head when i fall off constantly played in my head. i realised once dawn came and the sun was up, i was pretty much ok but dark skies just like put me to sleep. We basically kept speed of about 110 to 140 km/h....and riding to thailand, it is definitely an experience! the sound of the wind, the scenery going by and the speed at which you are going....makes you really just lose yourself for a while.

The road as we rode....cool! Risking my precious lens to take this shot

Another "artistic" shot...me in the rear view mirror

Here's the highest speed we were going....140km/h

Are we there yet????? ... Almost la, check point into south Thailand....Sandao!!!

Hatyai was an ok place, apparently a lot of prossies but errrr i cant really tell la....some bloody obvious are "working gers"....others cant make out. Love the food, always fancied thai food, be it the chinese style or road side dishes just like to try everything so was like eating "xiao chi" all the way. Nothing much to buy except....yes....underwear!! cheap! Hotel and massages were best....super cheap....1,700 baht for 3D2N so makes out to be almost S$40 for a night. Massages in the hotel spa was good and at $8 a 2-hr pop. But once is enough....tho shiok pain! In massage get-up...

The streets of Hatyai Feeding a baby elephant

Oh how can i forget....i did a piercing in Hatyai.....$10! Best that....see my piercer oso quite cute hor....and he is skilled man! See show you all....the piercing in action

My all time favourite food in Hatyai....glass noodle soup....light, clear and just yummy.....hmmmmm.....

KL stop was fun, we got there almost midnight of 9 Aug (guess SSB pple were probably partying hard at their 10th anniversary party!)....thanks to Shirley, Lisa's sis in KL, we got a great budget place to stay at about S$60 a night and its right along Bukit Bintang.... BINTANG WARISAN ...very near the quiksilver shop and Sungei Wang (my favourite KL building) Lot10..shopping was fun along that chinatown place where they sell chiong stuff...had a hell of a time bargaining and getting stuff. Food in KL....the best part la. but it was just a one day stay so basically not that much done and trying not to stress too much coz it was gona be another 4h ride back to SGP from there....so try to really not overdo shopping etc. And also the haze was like super bad due to the Sumatra forest fires while we were there, this just before the haze set in later in the day...Petronas

Had this real cool choc banana cake at Sungei Wang....forgot wat the cake shop is called but i think it is BETTER than Secret Recipe!

And riding at breakneck speed, you tend to gather a lot of smashed flies all over the bike... see or not....mangled flies on African Twin.

After the road trip felt rather energised, missed hatyai a lot...the place, the food, the pace of life, just seems like a great place. But then lapsed into depression again. Like just felt like everything was going wrong and that really my life was crumpling before my eyes. Everything sucked and i was questioning my value and self-worth it was very extreme, haunted by nightmares every few nights and just breaking down at work, i seriously need to do some self-help thing. Due to a few unfortunate incidents i started to feel that i am not good enough to exist, especially not as a person beside thiam, in his life. Don't get me wrong, I love him to bits and enjoy my time with him but somehow feel:

- I am not good enough, just cause him frustrations
- He doesnt even know what exactly he likes abt me but knows wat he doesnt...isn't that a little wrong?

In the short span of a mth i have saturated myself and questioned my existence, my relationship and my self-worth and honestly i still don't know the answers except that i really need to stop hanging at the lower end of the roller coaster ride.

We look so happy....another stunt shot....hahah not easy balancing and taking this at 120km/h. Arms felt like they were gona tear off!

Luan...

God, I really don't understand my internal turmoil. I was basically just feeling that the whole world was against me and that I am not worthy of being happy and being loved. Somehow like you are like thinking "How could anyone love me or want to be with me??" I guess my esteem has gone super low down. I also the warped idea that I have not been the best for my other half. Could be due to the drunken situation last weekend. I really didn’t mean to get that way but I was already feeling pretty low down. And yes alcohols are worst depressants thereafter. I don’t know I guess this week I will be losing my good self and my cheer.

However, I will not forget to share the best food I’ve had last week...SPIZZA! I am so in love with their pizzas. We had a Quinta (my all-time favourite and MUST order) – see the one with the pretty egg, whole on top?

And urmmmmm what was the other one, Pamela I think, ham, mozzarella and errr...mushrooms. Yup that's the one. I love Spizza, though I just ate it last week, I want to eat it again soon. I can never get sick of thin crust pizzas and their service is excellent. I gave feedback that their Remo salad had toooooo much balsamic vinegar in it and they immediately changed a fresh one for me. So nice! Other Singapore retailers and F&B outlets should learn from this. Seriously this little bit extra impresses a lot and make us feel good!

Where is my angel?

I am feeling weary...tired, confused and frustrated. Life is never as simple as it seems to be. I need to rest, i don't wana talk.


Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here