i am a wimp

I was looking back at life and just feel that it is too cruel for normal phebians like us...how can something so fragile like us handle the pain of this world? So there must be god who is somehow magically sustaining us...and doing little things for us when we are asleep. So i just gotta keep my faith going that there is someone who is helping me through one of the toughest phase of my life.

Actually i think i am feeling better, i wonder if it's as i have become resigned to my fate...and just accepted that shit has happened and "so??" life goes on...the world is not gona stop turning for 3 mths to let you get over him.

I have been such a wimp dealing with with him...i simply give in. everytime i see him...all my feelings come flooding back 100-fold over my average daily experience. And everytime after i see him...there is "hope" and everytime within a week of the budding "hope"...he dashes it..."i really miss you too but i think we shdnt see each other anymore." "I don't know what to think about us and i am too tired to think...(so i am leaving it as it is)"

I HAVE TO PUT A STOP TO THIS...he is a man...he gets weak...he gives way and then i am the one who has to pick up the itty bitty pieces of my heart...and he...don't even have to answer to anything, do not even have the decency to really give me some thought and consideration...just some lame-ass excuse will do. why is he so cruel?

I do not hate him, i have not stopped thinking about him. everything just seems to bring him back on my mind. I have gotten used to being alone...spending time with the Web, movies, books...God...but his image, his smell, his precense is etched permanently on my mind...a scar that wouldn't heal.

To him...i am just a memory....a past.

Godammit

I am a dreamer but when i wake
You can't break my spirit...it's my dreams you take
And as you move on, remember me
Remember us and how we used to be

我真的很想你

Thought this is very meaningful and it struck me....really really struck me. it was sent to me by a dear fren...who got it from some other place...

有時我真的很想你，奈何不能做任何事。
於是我把生活中的空虛塞滿，有時還真的很有效。
也許，你知道了，會為我不思念你而開心，對嗎？
我累得没力气离开，我懦弱得没勇气站起来。
有一天，我将会成为你生命中的過客，甚至是個路人甲而已。

need not say much but says a lot...for me.

Clean clean clean...

This is a record for me! 9 hrs of packing, cleaning and dusting. I really moved everything to reach every corner, under the shelves, behing the drawers, under the bed, the walls...to clean clean clean. Threw away 4 bags of junk but somehow shelves still look the same leh. It's so weird how you keep throwing but somehow seems like no free space turns up!?!

See, table and shelf look almost the same leh....after 9 hrs of effort...but i think hard to tell that my room now is very dust free...hahahaa....i oso set up this lava lamp i am been storing under my bed for ages...finally...i love the colour...blue liquid with yellow bloops. i also changed my space mobile that i hang above my bed to a twirly jap thing i bot in Bali...kinda different feel but i think i jz need a change. Also threw away qte a bit of toys on display and toys in storage...i think i need to grow up a little more.

But i can feel my room is much cleaner....sigh...many hours of toil but well at least i am feeling good.

I still have my wardrobe to clear. Sunday maybe? hmmm...

Watched Passion Of The Christ, after. Was afraid if I could take it. And yes, i cried...so vivid and real! Made me think a little more about God and his promises.

He called last night, i actually missed his call but called back (damn those fingers!!)...he was going out chiong. We spoke. We laughed. He shared on some exciting new stuff that might happen to his career.

Thank God for the company tuesday night at Highwood and Party World, and all the cleaning today. otherwise might have just sunk into another bout of "pit-bottom-low".

I miss him. Don't know what else to say.

First time at indoor volleyball

I swear, indoor volleyball is a BIGGGG challenge. Totally lost with all the positioning order. So bloody lost! But ok, spent most of the time just stroking the ball with feebs.

Many people were saying we look so alike, do we really? hahahaa...

I like this pic, was using the sports composite mode of my cam...cool but like cant really see...it's Layvid spiking...

Got a little lost at Toa Payoh while trying to find the bus-stop for my buses on my way back...but got home in one piece all sleepy, tired and bothered...and saw many lazy cats. Love how they take life easy and just nuahzzzz...i wana be a cat!

what do you mean "how are you?"... it is such a silly question...what do u expect me to reply..."fine thanks?" ...why is it whenever i just give up after failing ever talk or get to you, to and fall back into the black pit, you come and act all concerned for me again? maybe you really are but its really really a tough time for me. Do you wana know the truth? can you take the truth or are you just gona ask for me to "don be like this pls?" The truth is, I have definitely seen better days and these few mths were bad. I understand that life goes on but its really sad and maybe in all true honesty i am not over it...but at least i know i am trying to go back to a normal life. I think about you, wonder what you are doing, worry about you, afraid of actually seeing you with one of those girls.

why must i still feel for you tho i know it is not my fault...U contacting me, makes me happy...at least i think that you might actually still have me in your thoughts. But i know, who am i kidding??

Happy Halloween people!

Happy hallowen pple!,
originally uploaded by furrykat.

Wat an artistic shot! Zouk is e best!